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Why Can't Sex Just Be Sex?

By Kenneth Osborne, PhD

My new book, When Mama Is Daddy, has only been out a month, but already it is producing some interesting conversations.

  • One of those conversations is about sex.

That is because relationships always seem to be a complicated matter, especially where sex is concerned. Check out this expert from When Mama Is Daddy.

  • “The most arguable deterrent to father absence is responsible sexual conduct. Where men are concerned, I’m betting many of you will say 'well good luck with that.' Part of our realization must be that if men continue to be uncommitted as fathers, as a result of promiscuous sexual conduct, the social well-being of our children and family life remains at risk for cultural demise. All modern societies depend on paternal time, energy, and emotional investment. To practice responsible sexual conduct requires having some type of healthy relationship with ourselves. Women, as I understand it, discuss this often. Unfortunately, the idea of having a relationship with one’s self just sounds too lame or complicated to many men.

“Truth be told, if you bother to look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, how on earth can you expect someone outside of you to find favor with you?

  • A relationship, I’ve come to learn, has nothing to do with sex, lust, material, or financial gain.

  • It does not involve her being my baby, my ‘shawty,’ etc.

  • Nor does it involve me being her daddy (sugar or otherwise). It’s not about how well you can ‘beat it up’ or ‘freak it.’

“These things I mention are performance issues and as I have stated earlier men can be great performers from the time we are young to our adult lives. For our field of relational vision to expand no further than what lies above a woman’s knees to her neckline is an act of betrayal to oneself.

You are denying that you are dealing with a human being; heart, mind, and soul with independent thoughts, feelings, etc. You miss out on the richness of the whole person.”

  • So what do you think of that? Do you think if men got in touch with their inner selves — if they truly got to know the person in the mirror — that sex would have a different place in their lives? And if men started dealing with the heart, mind, and soul of their mates, would they have less irresponsible sex, and would this have an impact on father absence?

Or am I just off-base here?


Download your copy of When Mama is Daddy: The Male Crisis and Challenge of Ending Father Absence.

ORDER on Amazon now.

If you would prefer an autographed copy of the print book, please indicate to whom the autograph should be made out and mail a check or money order for $20 to:

Therapeutic Justice Institute

1409 Enclave Circle

Nashville, TN 37211

You can also use your Visa, MasterCard or American Express by dialing 708-527-4282

If you would like to invite me to speak about the topic of this book — father absence and its impact — at your conference, convention, retreat, or other events, please email me at


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